When you hear your inner monologue, whose voice does it sound like? Is it a parent? A spouse? Why isn’t it yours? We challenged Michelle to ask herself: Whose story are you living?
I am not feeling confident and competent at work.
"Why? What happened?"
"Nothing specific, it’s just the way I’m feeling about things."
"So, no one complained about anything?"
"Nope."
"Then what’s the problem?"
"For all of the things I do where there’s a good outcome, it’s very hard for me to attribute it to the things I did. I always think it must have happened for another reason."
I couldn’t believe that my successful, accomplished, highly competent friend actually believed that. So I went looking for the source of that narrative.
"Who told you those stories? Because I don’t believe you tell yourself your work isn’t good."
She looked down and, in a soft voice, I heard, "It was my mom… and it still is my mom. She would do it so I wouldn’t show off about my accomplishments."
"Humility doesn’t mean you discount who you are, your value, your work," I reassured her. "Your mom has chosen to live that way—with humility that makes you small. You have chosen to live that story too, and it’s not a true story."
HIT THE SPACEBAR - Michelle needed to create space.
"When you ask yourself if you’re good enough, who are you comparing yourself to?" I asked.
She shrugged and replied, "No one really."
"Thought so. When you’re making yourself small, you are doing it for your mom. You need to fit into your mom’s story. And the humility suit is small. Her story. Her suit. How do YOU feel about your work and accomplishments?"
"I’m actually proud. I work hard to keep my clients satisfied."
"All of that needs a big suit. Why not try expanding into that and writing a new story?"
She smiled.
Space Making Reflection
When you make yourself small, ask yourself who told you to do that? How can you rewrite the story you are telling yourself in order to give yourself permission to take up space and be big?
Ready to slow down and create clarity? Let's walk.
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